Why You Can’t Relax (And What To Do About It)

A quiet mind can feel like the hardest thing in the world to find. You finally lie down at the end of the day or settle into Savasana at the end of class, hoping to exhale… and instead your thoughts race even faster. You think about the laundry, the email you forgot, the to-do list waiting for tomorrow. Then comes frustration because relaxing is supposed to be the easy part. The truth is, your body isn’t broken and it’s not a willpower problem. It’s biology.

This post is adapted from Yoga for Longevity, my podcast where I share therapeutic yoga tools for healthy aging. I’m Mikah Horn, yoga therapist and founder of Lifelong Yoga Online, a membership designed especially for adults 50+. If you’re looking for a way to put the things you learn in this episode into practice, you can explore it free for 14 days, with gentle classes for joint health, healthy hips, posture, and more.

When Relaxing Feels Unsafe

Your body’s nervous system runs quietly in the background, managing your heartbeat, breathing, digestion, and muscle tone. It has two main branches: the sympathetic (fight or flight) and the parasympathetic (rest and digest). They’re meant to ebb and flow, one keeping you alert, the other helping you repair and restore.

But when daily stress becomes constant, like multitasking, background noise, or worry, that balance shifts. Your body starts to believe that being on all the time is safer than letting go. Over time, the vagus nerve, a key communication line between brain and body, sends fewer we are safe signals. So when you finally try to rest, stillness feels unfamiliar rather than peaceful.

This is why “trying to relax” doesn’t work. Effort itself sends mixed messages. Your body believes what you do, not what you say. When your shoulders tense or your jaw tightens, your system reads danger, even if your mind is saying “calm down.”

Practice tip: Instead of forcing stillness, begin with gentle, rhythmic breathing or small grounding movements. This tells your body that it’s safe to soften without demand or pressure.

Why Relaxation Matters for Your Health

Relaxation isn’t a luxury. It’s a form of repair. When your body spends too much time in fight or flight, heart rate, blood pressure, and muscle tension stay elevated. Over time, that affects everything, sleep, digestion, immune function, and even mood. True rest is how the body resets, heals, and restores balance.

In yoga therapy, we call this nervous system resilience. It’s your ability to meet stress, recover, and return to equilibrium. Every mindful breath and every slow, intentional movement helps your body practice that cycle. Over time, yoga retrains your system to shift between effort and ease with greater fluidity.

Practice tip: Before settling into stillness, add a few rounds of Cat-Cow or gentle stretches. This helps release residual tension so rest feels accessible instead of forced.

Your Relaxation Toolbox

If relaxing doesn’t come easily, try one or two of these four tools. Each one helps your body remember safety through experience, not effort.

Begin with even breathing, inhaling and exhaling through the nose for four counts each. Once that feels natural, extend your exhale to five or six counts. Keep the breath soft and unforced. As the breath slows, so does the body’s rhythm, inviting calm.

Choose one sensory point of focus: your feet on the floor, your hands resting on your belly, or the feeling of air moving through your nose. When your mind wanders, simply come back to that same anchor. Each gentle return steadies the nervous system.

Instead of telling yourself, “I need to relax,” shift to curiosity. Ask, “What’s happening in my body right now?” Notice your breath, tension, or ease without fixing anything. That attention, free of judgment, is often enough to invite calm.

Relaxation doesn’t require an hour on the mat. It can be thirty seconds between tasks. Pause before eating, unclench your jaw at a red light, or feel your feet before standing up. Each small pause tells your body, “It’s safe to slow down.”

Bringing It All Together

Relaxation isn’t something you make happen. It’s something your body relearns through small, repeated moments of safety. Each breath, each pause, each act of awareness rewires your system to trust stillness again.

So the next time your mind races in Savasana, remember your body isn’t failing you. It’s doing what it was trained to do. And with each breath, it’s learning something new… that it can finally let go.

👉 If rest is something you’ve been craving but can’t quite reach, join me in Lifelong Yoga Online. You’ll find gentle, therapeutic classes designed to help your body remember ease, one breath at a time.

Until next time, keep moving with intention and joy.

Connect with Mikah

Membership: Lifelong Yoga Online
Work with Mikah 1:1: Private Yoga Therapy
YouTube: Lifelong Yoga with Mikah
Instagram: @lifelong.yoga